There is a certain happiness sighted when your bus comes along. It is of course a small specialized form of happiness and will never be a great thing.

-Richard Brautigan, The Old Bus

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Antisocial Commentary on the bus

Ripoff:

  1. A product or service that is overpriced or of poor quality.
  2. Something, such as a film or story, that is clearly imitative of or based on something else.
  3. A theft.
  4. An act of exploitation.

Ripon:
  1. A general law city, governed by the statutes of the State of California, located in San Joaquin County.
  2. The home town of Robert "Diesel" Kroese, who wrote "Antisocial Commentary from the secret files of the Mattress Police."

There's no connection. Just like there's no connection between the Mattress Police and this book. In fact, as Diesel explains in the preface, this collection of short stories doesn't have a single story about the Mattress Police.

"Antisocial Commentary" has an introduction to go with the preface and even "A Note on Coarse Language" for the family values set.

But no stories about the Mattress Police.

The book has 11 stories about the author -- "Enough About Me (for now)" -- and nine about "The Family" (who appear to have been transplanted from Lake Woebegone, where all the children are above average, and the wife is a perfect helpmate) -- and seven stories about "Driving" (this is a book from California, after all) -- and 10 on "Culture, Pop and Otherwise" -- and 11 stories on "Politics and Current Events" -- and seven works of "Fiction and Unabashed Hyperbole."

But no stories about the Mattress Police.

Many of the stories were a lot of fun. I particularly liked "Bills and Other Pests," wherein the author explains:
Another thing I don't like about the spiders in my house is that they all share my name. I don't even know how my wife knows their names, but without fail every time she sees spiders she screams the same name -- mine. Even the girl spiders who erupt into a flurry of little baby spiders when you smash them are apparently named Diesel. It's especially confusing because this is also what she yells when she comes across credit card bills with unexplained purchases on them. I've tried to get her to shriek "Tally Ho!" or "Timber!", but she insists on sticking with "Diesel!" So it's hardly my fault when I rush into a room where she's paying bills and crush the Visa bill with a phone book.
According to Diesel, most of the content of the book was first published on his Web site, MattressPolice.com (which doesn't have anything to do with the Mattress Police, either). And if you like to read well-written, humorous blog posts, you will enjoy Diesel's book. If you don't like to read well-written, humorous blog posts, then what are you doing reading this? Go somewhere else for self-abuse.

Anyway, here's the bottom line: Click here and buy this book! Why? Because if you click here and then buy the book, I get $2. Simple, yes? Diesel even offers to sign your book.

Before we go any farther, let's try it: Click here and buy the book. Do it! I'll wait until you get back.

(Sound of humming to myself as I wait.)

This is all the Queen of Dysfunction's doing. If not for her, I never would have heard about this book. I think I'll go comment spam her blog now.



Buy this book
NOW
No kidding



Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police



Antisocial Commentary


By Diesel


Buy New $11.95


Buy from Humor-Blogs.com


5 comments:

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Ha! Comment spam away. It makes me feel loved.

You do realize that, having grown up in the next town over from Diesel I was kind of obligated by hometown pride to tout his book.

So... what's the next book on your list?

Diesel said...

Hey, thanks, John! It almost makes me want to buy it myself, and I already have like 20 copies.

John said...

Queen: Next up is Seymour Hersh's "Dark Side of Camelot," which doesn't have anything to do with Mattress Police, either.

Diesel: Write a story about the Mattress Police. If you don't, I will. Mine will be entitled "Turn Your Head and Cough." It will be about a doctor who gave pre-induction physicals during the military draft during the Vietnam War. When the draft ends, he gets a job with the Mattress Police. This plays into your logo, which really does bring to mind my experience in 1970, which did not occur on April 29.

ByJane said...

hey, how do I get in on this money-making deal? I'm an outta work, broke girl...!

John said...

To get in on the big-bucks from selling this book, visit this link.